Local Heart, Global Soul

February 1, 2013

Rediscovering Your Funny…

Filed under: kid stuff,Life,Out Of the Mouths Of Babes — kiwidutch @ 1:00 am
Tags: ,

I stashed some notes of a few 0f our families funnier moments and they got forgotten in the mad rush that is everyday life: work, family, house, homework, cooking, laundry etc. The first one is from when Little Mr. was six, almost seven years of age, the rest from more recent months.

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

Mid November is a special time for small Dutch Children because “Sint” (Saint Nicolas) arrives in the Netherlands (from Spain) to get ready for the festivities and present giving day (5th December).

Tradition dictates that  he arrives by steam boat in a Dutch harbour towns or cities (one is chosen each year and it’s rotated through the entire list of possible sites)

Children appear to have no problem with the fact that on exactly the same day that the “real” Sint arrives in a port on a steamboat (the whole event is hugely televised and avidly watched) that every other town and city in the Netherlands there is also local parade to celebrate  Sint’s arrival in the county, also featuring a Sint.

Little Mr. at  six years of age is still a staunch believer  and declares haughtily that he knows that “those extra ones are “mep” (fake) Sint’s“. But that doesn’t explain why if he sees the one in our city parade that he’s as awestruck and excited as if this one were the real thing.

Belief in these things is, like a child, devoid of logic sometimes and I’m  very glad of it because as a parent it would take quite some explaining without shattering his illusions.

Luckily he hasn’t yet asked why or how we manage to have Saint Nicolas appear in early December to give out presents to boys and girls and then have Father Christmas arrive later in the same month to do the same.

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

Strangely enough it doesn’t even make him remotely suspicious. (In our house we celebrate both Christmas/Father Christmas and Saint Nicolas so we’ve split the gifts between the two,  we don’t think it’s materially right or necessary for the kids to  build up any expectation that they can double dip.)

Sooo… it’s Sunday 13th November 2011 and Little Mr. is eating breakfast glued to the replay of yesterday’s grand event (he was  out yesterday and only caught a snippet of the parade in The Hague, so wanted to watch a “Sint Special” that is re-televised on the Sunday morning from yesterdays big event in Dordrecht). Sint Nicolas is coming to the outskirts of Dordrecht, as he gets closer, a flurry of support boats join him to form a flotilla,  suddenly several people on jet-skis zoom close to the stream boat and the TV camera’s zoom in on them for a moment…

Little Mr. suddenly shrieks excitedly:  ”Look at them on the water Mama!  … Scooters!!!!”

Ah ha… a jet-ski on water + kid logic = scooter!

***

Little Mr come in to my room “riding” a broom … I ask him if he’s a witch, he says “no silly, witches are girls and I’m a boy.”

Oh, I said, I think that makes you a sorcerer

Oh yes Little Mr replies… that’s right,   I’m a saucer!

Um, no I explain, a saucer is the little plate that goes under a cup… the word is “sorcerer”

Little Mr is now dancing in the middle of the bedroom with the broom “I leave the window open to fly out and in, but there is always someone at home so no robbers can came in….(starts singing)  I’m a saucer, saucer, saucer, I’m a saucer, saucer, saucer!”

***

Little Mr. has been playing regularly with two little neighbour boys. I’ve dubbed them the Lego Gang….  they take turns at Lego building together at each other houses and on this occasion Little Mr. comes home from his play date just as my best friend (and his godmother) is visiting.

Without saying hello he flops down on the couch and says dramatically “ it’s  NOT fair !” .  Himself handing out hot drinks to the adults and asks “What’s not fair darling?“  to which Little Mr. replies in an annoyed voice “(name neighbour boy 1) and (name neighbour boy 2)  both have parents who are divorced and you guys are still  married! I’m the ONLY one in the portiek who’s parents are married! ”..For some reason he wanted to be in the “divorced family club”

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

I laughed and said “ ok honey, Papa and I promise to  work on our divorce… just give us 50 or 60 years!”  Stupidly Little Mr. was very pleased with the answer but meanwhile both best friend and Himself were laughing so hard they almost snorted tea and coffee up their noses.

(in case you are wondering if divorce in the Netherlands is rampant, please be aware that Little Mr. conveniently forgot to mention the other immediate neighbours who are a) happily married but have no kids, b) happily married but kids are grown and have flown the nest, c) was long and happily married but is now a widow.)

***

Overheard: Little Mr.  … playing down the other end of the living room with two little friends… translated from Dutch…

Little Neighbour girl: I’m five, How old are you?
Little Neighbour boy “I’m five and a half
Little Mr: “I’m seven
Little Neighbour girl “wow, you are almost a big person! (groote mens)
Little Mr (sagely using his oldest and wisest voice) “well… noooo, you only get to be a big person when you are 18 or so… but when you are bigger you’ll know that too”

***

Ninety year old Oma  ( Oma = grandmother)… on the telephone to Himself, recounting her side of a heated argument with one of her daughters (my SiL) on the subject of her independence and ever increasing lack of it, and the level of demands she is now asking of family members in order to stay in her own apartment.

Sister in Law has suggested that Oma  might need to start considering a assisted living situation (Oma is fiercely independent and  is adamant that this is something she will never even consider) (said with an angry huff) ” (name daughter)  is wrong, I still do everything for myself,  Everything!!  … Himself, Can you pick me up a new coffee pot when you come over to do the shopping?

Obviously the irony of the last phrase was completely lost on her.

August 23, 2011

Santa Maria, Double Take, Something Fishy…

I’m still on  my retro tour of  the island of Sal in the Cape Verde islands…  we are walking around supermarket hunting on the main streets of Santa Maria.  I spied something hanging in a tree that appeared at first glance to be made of plastic….

I went closer to inspect it and the smell instantly gave things away…. definiately fishy….

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

…it’s a puffer fish that’s had a red balloon put into it, blown up and hung up to dry… (why? no clue? are these things tasty dried? it would be a rather smelly ornament I would think)

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

… here’s another one that we saw washed up on the beach (a short drive away, I’ll take you there later)…

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

While we are on the subject of local amusments.. here are a few signs from around town to make you smile…

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

Picasso? … methinks not…

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

…and one seriously annoyed looking crab… (and with a tatoo on it’s claw!)

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

November 27, 2010

Oh Just Shuddup and Navigate…

Filed under: Portugal — kiwidutch @ 1:00 am
Tags: , , ,

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

I’m usually the Navigator when it comes to long road trips.

Actually these days I’m usually relegated to holding Our Lady of the TomTom and  checking if the “Right Turn Ahead” instruction  necessitates taking action on our part  3 seconds further up the road or 14 minutes away.

Is it just us, or do you also hate that dreadful attachment that attaches Our Lady of the Tom Tom to the windscreen? You know the thing, it’s a detatchable ring with a suction pad that you then clip Our Lady into.

The annoying thing  is that we have been advised to detach it all from the windscreen every time we leave the car to deter possible car thieves so it’s not just a matter of getting it right once and leaving it there for eternity (our preferred option).

The curse is that we often have any of  the following things happen;

(a) the suction thingy that’s supposed to sick onto the windscreen won’t suck, it just refuses, you try and try and try…. and try and try and try to keep your blood pressure from rising in the process. You fail on both counts.

(b) it sucks and sticks nicely to the windscreen but several minutes ( or 20) later it falls off , and Our Lady hits the floor or slides the length of the dashboard … if you are in the middle of turning out of the street or passing someone on the motorway it’s a dangerous and alarming distraction.

(c) The gadget sucks itself to the window successfully,  but once you have informed Our Lady of your intended destination you try and place her gently into the other section that is successfully on the windscreen. In doing so, you accidentally turn her off…and turning her off appears irritatingly easy to do, the slightest touch of the touch-screen does it …(frustratingly, resetting her requires removing her again from the stuck-to-the-windscreen part of the gadget)

(d) you clip the suction clip to Our Lady, inform her of your destination and then try and put the whole kit and caboodle onto the windscreen in one hit,  … and accidentally turn her off,  ( you are seriously trying to refrain from throwing Our Lady out of the window at this point, and frustration is now at a level that  means that you don’t even care if said window is open or closed)

(e) you actually mange to get everything onto the windscreen, it remains up their successfully AND you manage to not turn her off in the process, Result!!!

(f) or you give up completely with the suction gizmo and place Our Lady on the passenger seat or in the lap of your front seat passenger.

(g) or multiple combinations of the above.

We prefer to think that it’s a design flaw in the gadget rather than our lack of technical expertise, it’s easier to cast blame on the stupidity of an inanimate object rather than ourselves after all.

So the Navigational part of our travels remains only partly resolved to our satisfaction. Of course, finding yourself entering a Portuguese village, arriving at a “T” intersection and wanting to get back to Valença , requires a far more simple form of navigation: just read the sign.

Hmmm… left, right, left, right…. hey let’s just toss for it  shall we? Interestingly Our Lady was silent until after we had made a decision ourselves and turned the corner, maybe even she was confounded by the stupidity of a sign that points both ways.

Or maybe she was busy stifling laughter that she’s finally met humans who are clearly even more  stupid navigationally challenged than we are.

November 7, 2010

Window Shopping for a Sense of Humour?

Filed under: Portugal — kiwidutch @ 1:00 am
Tags: , , ,

We are in Portugal’s second largest city, Porto. As we walk around I suddenly notice something about the building on the other side of the street we are walking down and I  start to laugh…

Clearly someone here has a genius wit. Once I point it out, the kids squeal in delight. In my opinion, every city needs at least one of these…

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

October 10, 2010

It’s Tough trying to be Gown Up…

Filed under: Blogging & Writing — kiwidutch @ 1:00 am
Tags: , ,

A quick post today because the day has been rather full on and I’m feeling less than 100%…

Sometimes our Little Mr. produces gems that make you grin all day and all evening… and today he’s been in fine form.

First Himself came to me, laughing his chops off… Little Mr. followed close behind him in all SERIOUSNESS and was happily  continuing without stopping a rapid conversation nineteen to the dozen,  telling all about how he has to “save his Playmobile … …for his children

Apparently  he has it all worked out. Children, Little Mr.  has decided that he wants Six of them, so he’s planning their toys already!

…at 5 years old!
PRICELESS!!!

Later, as usual, we deal with a kid each at the end of the day, I’m supervising Kiwi Daughter’s homework (e.g. ensuring that she does not have success in trying to find distractions from doing any) and Himself is putting Little Mr. to bed.

Again, Himself  comes into the room grinning….

Situation:  Little Mr. is all tucked up in bed, there are a few favourite toys to hand and a pile of books. Their conversation:

Himself: “ You can choose which you want…Do you want to play a little more, or shall we read?”

Little Mr: (serious) “Give me a moment, I need to think about it

Himself ” OK

(Three minutes passes, Himself is patiently waiting for a decision)

Little Mr:  (forcefully) “ I am still thinking Papa“…

(One more minute passes)

Himself leads over Little Mr to see if he’s ready to give an answer…

Little Mr. has fallen fast  asleep…

Big decisions are obviously very tiring.

August 3, 2010

FAIL !

Filed under: The Hague,The Netherlands — kiwidutch @ 1:00 am
Tags: ,

This isn’t my usual style of photo… but when I went to cross the road on the Laan Van Meerdervoort at the Valkenbosplein after photographing the dentist’s building, I got caught out by this…

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

Sigh…at least by the wear pattern I was clearly not alone…

So, Did the City Council FAIL, … or did everyone who tried…      … and FAILED?

April 29, 2010

The Deep and Meaningful thoughts of the young…

Filed under: The Hague,The Netherlands — kiwidutch @ 1:00 am
Tags: ,

Our Daughter aged Five had completely different priorities… Pink or Purple, which one looks better? Glitter, or beads or the thingy with sequins ? Big choices (obviously).

Little Mr. at the same age is a totally different kettle of fish, philosophical, deep thinker (especially of late).  I’ve been endeavoring to jot snippets down straight away so that these little gems don’t get forgotten.  Here’s a sample, April has been a busy month, he’s been thinking a lot apparently.

—————————

Good Friday, April  2nd 2010.

” going to the Kringloopwinkel (second-hand shop) with Mr. Five. On the way we play a regular game, I say  excitedly ” “Hey, Guess what?! “he eagerly replies ” “what?” I either say something  really really silly  (like ” Did you see the green giraffe driving that tram that just went past?” and he laughs hysterically, …or I say “ I love you very very very very very very very very very veeeeeery Much!”

Today it was the “I love you…”

Sweetly, five minutes later he does it back to me and I get a big hug as tight as he can manage as well for good measure.

On the way out of the kringloopwinkel he stops, looks serious and says “ Mama?” … “yes?”  ” Mama, if I was a thing, … if I was a thing in the Kringloopwinkel, then you could come in and choose me!

Me: “Yes  of course you know I would be lined up early so that when the shop opened I could get in first and snap you up!” ( he was pretty pleased about that)

Needless to say I didn’t feel the need to complicate matters by asking why on earth he felt that he might be an item  on the shelf of a second-hand shop in the first place. That would of course be stretching logic and deep and meaningful waaaay too far for a five year old.

But I have been silently wondering about how his mind must have been working … all day long it’s been bending my brain.

—————————–

3rd April 2010

Mr Five (to his Father) “Papa, Why are we alive?”

——————————–

3rd April 2010

It’s stormy and wet. Inside play today. Himself has made a few paper planes for Mr Five.  Little Mister wants his own airline company (move over Richard Branson) and asks for a pen to write his name on his plane and then the word “airlines” after it.  His own name he can manage unaided.  Then all by himself he adds the word “airlines” which he spells as : ” Erlanzs

Completely logical,  naturally.

—————————

Little Miss however has had her moments too:  whilst in the car going to an appointment ..  (Preceded by a BIG sigh)… “Mama. Papa, I  really don’t want to be a Grandpa“…

Hmmm,  fairly safe bet that you don’t need to worry about that one ever coming to pass my little lassie…

————————————————–

April 9th, 2010.

Daughter aged eight.. “Papa, you have two children right?”

Himself:  “Yep… you and your brother, that’s two of you.”

Daughter “ ewww that means you had sex twice!”

(Himself manages a fixed smile and wisely decides that any further true enlightenment on this topic will be  “too much information” for kid at this point in her life.)

————————————————–

Sunday April 18th 2010

Little Mr is running around in his Pyjama’s .. it’s early in the morning and still rather cool… we have wooden floors and they are definitely cold.

I stop him, and ask him to please put on his cuddle sack http://kiwidutch.wordpress.com/2010/01/04/for-when-it/ .. he looks at me in surprise and says ” But Papa said that just Pajamas was OK if I had socks on as well..”

I look down.. yes, he has socks on.

I counter with: “But darling, it’s really still too cold in the mornings to only have some thin pajamas on… even with socks, could you please get your cuddle sack or a dressing gown and put it on please“?

Mr Five replies: “aw… but whyyyyyy“?

Me: Because I don’t want you to get sick and get a running nose and a sore throat

Literally one second passes before he replies…

“… and Papa does?

(Papa’s response when he heard about this conversation later was: Nooo mama’s just more paranoid about their health“)

—————————————————————-

April 21st 2010

There’s a Mrs W. at school… she’s married ( logically enough,  to Mr W.) but there are some more people with similar names around and I was trying to ascertain from Miss Eight that the Mr W. we were talking about was actually the husband of Mrs W.

I was explaining that sometimes people can have the same name so you can mix up who you thought they were, Daughter was confused.  I then pointed out that my Mother in Law has the same surname as me, and the same as my Sister in Law, and that we three also coincidently also share the same first two initials, but that only I was married to Papa and was their Mama.

Daughter tried to work it all out…

So…  (a) the Dutch part of Kiwidutch was me…

(b) Dutch with the same surname and same initials was Sister in Law,  and

(c) Dutch with the same surname and same initials was Mother in Law.

Little Mr sat silently looking confused..  for Daughter it was now clear who was who.

In a worried voice he blurts out ” How do we know Oma then“!?”

(Oma= is Dutch word for Grandmother =MiL)

———————————————————————————

There were more that I didn’t get jotted down because things got too busy and I couldn’t remember the exact words by the end of the day… but I’m endevouring to jot them down more often so that the little snippets of our kids thought processes and perceptions don’t get lost in the adult maze of busyness… our time as a child is short, we will be adults for a long long time, I’m trying to cherish the moments oft forgot.

March 27, 2010

Flying Down-Under with a …Spy?

Filed under: Kids and Family — kiwidutch @ 1:00 am
Tags: , , , ,

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

A few of you know that the Kiwidutch family spent Christmas / New Year in New Zealand. It was a short-ish trip to see family and friends and a bonus for me was that going to a New Zealand Summer, I was finally able to shake off a chest cold that had turned into a chest infection and left me struggling on the health front for about 5 weeks.

We were extremely fortunate in our timing in that, one or two days after we left, severe weather hit the Netherlands with substantial snowfalls that bought many parts of the country to a halt. The Deep Freeze continued with a vengeance until a few days before we arrived back home and, whilst yes, it has snowed since, rather more than normal, the later snowfalls were just a mere shadow of what  had come at Christmas and New Year.

Last time we were in Singapore, we bought a child sized dress of the “Singapore Girl”  as worn by Flight Attendants of Singapore Airlines for my daughter. She’s a twig of a kid and two years later, amazingly, slim fit as it is, the thing still fits, so she was determined to wear it on the two flights that it would take us to get to New Zealand.

Ok… first thing that happened: she gets instant attention from our Singapore Airlines flight staff, lots of smiles and jokes about her coming along to help out, be the youngest crew  member, hand out snacks etc.  We complete the 13.5 hour trip to Singapore,  go to our reserved airport hotel in Changi Airport, sleep for about 7 hours, take a shower, and have an hour or so to get to the next gate for the last leg of the trip, Onwards: to Christchurch New Zealand.

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

Then we board out next flight.. again, daughter gets a LOT of attention as she moves though the airport in her little Singapore Girl costume, and a big smile from the Crew as they welcome us on board.

Then, about half way into the 10 hour flight,  the  Head Purser arrives in the Economy section of the plane… He’s usually up at the front looking after the First Class passengers, so I look up in surprise.

He appears to be checking  the seat numbers as he carefully makes his way down the plane and I’m even more surprised to see him stop at our row, look puzzled, look intently at my daughter (who was busy trying to master a Nintendo game on the in-flight entertainment system), stare again, and begin to laugh.  He sees me looking at him, smiles sheepishly, looks a bit embarrassed,  apologies  for disturbing us, then moves briskly back to the front of the plane.

Immediately several Flight attendants are in the isle by me laughing at the joke, and they laughingly explain… Apparently it’s company policy that Singapore Airlines periodically  put  a top executive on random flights incognito, to do an undercover “inspection” and report on the staff.

It turns out that our ladies serving us in Economy Class had whispered to their colleagues up in the front that they thought that they had recognized an “inspector”. Naturally, the Chief Purser had wanted to do a little spying investigation of his own, and had snuck down to check out the Top Brass. The joke was on him that the inspector was indeed wearing a Singapore Airlines uniform, but turned out to be an 8 year old little girl.

The look on his face when he realized he had been set up, was brilliant… and judging by the big smiles of our Flight Attendants, I think that they were going to remind him that he had fallen for it hook, line and sinker for quite a long time to come.

The rest of the flight was uneventful and went as long-haul flights usually do, but needless to say, when we disembarked in Christchurch New Zealand, our daughter left the plane to special compliments and good wishes from all the Crew, including a certain Head Purser who shook her hand, Thank her  and tell her that it was very special honour to have someone  make the effort to travel in the Singapore uniform.

Daughter enjoyed the attention so much that she announced directly after landing that she will be wearing this outfit on the return trip too. It’s a long long trip, but one with a bit of humour and a fun…

First a rest to get over the jet lag and then let me show you around a little bit of the land of my birth… New Zealand.

March 13, 2010

A traditional Dutch Clog …or not.

Filed under: photography,The Hague,The Netherlands — kiwidutch @ 1:00 am
Tags: , , , , ,

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

As can happen in Bloggy World,  you can have good days and bad, and for the last week I’ve been fighting a head-cold that’s been getting steadily worse.

It’s a total pest for my lung condition and asthma stability and one of the biggest and seemingly unnecessary annoyances of life, but C’est la vie, I will live. Sadly a big spike  in medication  is necessary to keep the health wobble just a wobble and not a crash,  has reduced my concentration skills to zero and my drowsiness levels to about 200 %.

Since yesterday I’ve retreated into bed so before I take more pills, exhaust yet another box of tissues  blowing my nose, roll over  and sleep again,  but here is a photo taken whilst  out on one of my walks of recent weeks.

I spied a traditional Dutch clog nailed to the street wall outside a house.

Clearly the owner  has a sense of humour and has put their own very distinctive twist onto a very Dutch icon that is often displayed in a rather more kitsch manner.

It made me smile  and had me reaching for my camera…

So your new  Dutch word for today is the name given to traditional Dutch wooden shoes: pronounced as “clomp-pen

klomp/klompen” = clog/clogs.

September 20, 2009

How to break the tension at a funeral…

I’m jotting this down just so that the years don’t roll away with it.
My Mother-in-Law had a sister who was ten years older than her. She lived a few hours away, north of Amsterdam. We visited semi regularly and hubby’s cousins would bring her to visit here.  For the sake of internet privacy we will call her Tante D.   We celebrated a big family Birthday party when  Tante D. turned Ninety years of age and my (then) 3-year-old daughter was pretty impressed with the large  birthday cake and celebrations. Approximately one year later Tante D. passed away and since hubby had taken his mother for day trips to visit on a more regular basis and on days when daughter was not in the créche (day care) daughter had been joining them, so she had gotten to know Tante D. rather well.

Thus when she voiced questions about what had happened to Tante D. and what did ”dead” mean? what  a Funeral was etc, we debated the pro’s and con’s of  taking her to the funeral ceremony.

With the idea that should all go wrong and daughter could not manage to sit still or quietly, then I would remove her and we would join the rest of the family afterwards, we decided to take her but made sure that we did some preparation work by telling her in very simple terms what Funerals were all about and answering her questions.

The time of the funeral duly arrives and daughter is rather in awe of the family in formal attire and is a perfect child on the day.  She sits silently watching the procedings and listening to the service. At the start of the service daughter whispers in her Papa’s ear, a question ” is Tante in there?¨ and a little finger points… he smiles and replies, “no darling that’s  the Grand Piano, Tante is in the other box that has all the flowers on it…”  Satisfied, with the question resolved, daughter is completely silent.

About half an hour later, things get rather emotional and you can feel the tension in the air…  We are spending a moment,  the coffin before us, the congregation silent, reflecting on Tante’s life…  you could hear a pin drop… Suddenly a little clear 4-year-old voice echos around the marble walls  impatiently demanding…

Well? When IS she going to jump out of the box then??? !” 

There is a stunned silence  for a full  two seconds as the childish words hit home and then a ripple of muffled laughter moves thoughout those present.  The bleakness of the moment is well and truely broken and people smile and laugh  in their sadness as they contemplaite that thought.  Red faced Hubby and I are trying not to cry laughing  whilst at the same time attempting to apologise perfusely to those present. Daughter didn’t shout or raise her voice, in the complete stillness she didn’t need to…

We are all busy imagining just what might have happened if  Tante D. had jumped out of the box:  40 heart attacks, the most likely.

Talk about “out of the mouths of babes…” The complete innocence of a child bought us all back to that fact that we should celebrate  a life well lived and not a life lost. Real life sometimes gives us a giggle at inapropriate moments… or maybe it wasn’t so inapropriate after all,  I rather think that Tante D. would have approved.

Next Page »

Theme: Rubric. Blog at WordPress.com.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 344 other followers