Local Heart, Global Soul

March 15, 2013

Growing Up a Tiny, Infinitesimal Fraction…. Right Before My Eyes.

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

(photograph © Kiwidutch)

Kiwi daughter recently attended the funeral of a the mother of a little friend her age that she’s known for some 4-5 years … it’s an especially sad situation because  the mother was a solo parent who loved her daughter to bits, the father never gave her the time of day or even acknowledged her existence so some remarked that the poor kid lost the wrong parent.

The mother had a brain tumour and Kiwi daughter took time off school to support her little friend on what was a very difficult day.

The last time Kiwi Daughter was at a funeral she was very young and now she doesn’t remember the experience. With Oma  at 90 years of age sooner or later she will have to attend a funeral  so this was a chance to give her the opportunity of getting to know what to expect at a funeral without it being too close to home.

After the service we talked about how funeral had gone and how she was handling it .  She remarked: it’s so nice that the casket was very pretty … the wood looked pretty. I told her that most people had a wooden casket and she was genuinely surprised…. I said “Did you expect it to be made of stone? ” and to my surprise, with a totally straight face she said “Yes!”

It appears that she’s confusing caskets with grave stones and burial plots and thought you got carried to the grave with the stone surround, headstone and the works…  Tying not to make fun of her I told her that if it was like this this then it would all be so heavy you couldn’t lift it off the ground and it wouldn’t be  very nice to have to be bought into your burial service and final resting place on  a forklift truck.

Kiwi Daughter burst out laughing at the thought of the pallbearers trying in vain to hoist up a marble casket to their shoulders and it gave some welcome relief to the end of a very sad day. Seeing the moment that the “penny drops” is like stepping out of the tunnel into the light and seeing a whole new view that you didn’t expect.

On rare occasions with you child you actually see this moment happen….

It reminds me that often things that might seem basic and logical information to an adult, are actually a slow progress of  join-the-dots for kids, as they piece together the information that equips them for dealing with life. On this day Kiwi Daughter grew up a tiny, infinitesimal fraction….  right before my eyes.

5 Comments »

  1. A sad story

    Comment by kiwiskan — March 15, 2013 @ 3:34 am | Reply

  2. How sad for that poor child. I’m glad she had KD to support her. Who will take care of her now?

    Comment by The Laughing Housewife — March 15, 2013 @ 1:10 pm | Reply

    • An Aunt tried (before the mother passed away) but their house was too small, they already had four children of their own and it was cramped and wasn’t working out and no one was happy, so with agreement of the girl, she went to unrelated but experienced foster parents who lived very close by. She got settled there whilst her mother was still in the hospice and is far happier in her new family whilst still keeping close ties to her blood relations. Everyone turned out for the funeral, including all her classmates and teachers from school… and of course her other friends like Kiwi Daughter so on the day of the funeral she had as much support as possible. We will try to make sure that she and Kiwi Daughter keep in touch regularly and see what we can do too.
      I’m glad that the family who tried to take her in realised their limitations and that they couldn’t cope before the situation made the relationship into a damaging one and opted for a solution that they are all far happier with. My heart still goes out to her… the father always said he didn’t want to know and wasn’t interested and he didn’t even bother to attend the funeral ( actually that was probably for the best). At least she is with people who genuinely care and can give her the proper love and attention she will need in the months and years ahead… but I know what you mean.. it’s an awful situation you wouldn’t wish on any child.

      Comment by kiwidutch — March 15, 2013 @ 10:07 pm | Reply

      • A sad story. I’m glad she has found a home and I know you will all do your best for her.

        Thank you for filling in the details.

        Comment by The Laughing Housewife — March 16, 2013 @ 10:18 am | Reply

  3. Moments of treasure. Connecting the dots yes.
    Reminded to be mindful.

    Comment by Waywardspirit — March 17, 2013 @ 11:03 pm | Reply


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